They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
