Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
