I threw up into my coffee this morning.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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