Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
