Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
