You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
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