just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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