I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I need water and some morals
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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