I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
