Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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