he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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