idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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