Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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