i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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