An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Don't tell me you're on acid again
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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