Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
