just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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