He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
