Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
