I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
