Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
