Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
