u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
