Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Randomize
