I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
We got so high we made milksteak
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
