My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I just blew my weed a kiss
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
