I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
