she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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