His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Randomize
