YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
