I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Are my feet made of real feet?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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