U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Randomize
