I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
