Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Randomize