I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
