Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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