An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
