There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
