I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
