someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
