you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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