Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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