I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
