My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
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