Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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