Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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