What a fucking waste of an outfit
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
