what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Less talking, more tequila
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
