You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
