You just made me feel so damn special
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
