woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
