Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Everclear isn't food dammit
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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