im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
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