i jhust puked up my retainher.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
