my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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