Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
We left an ass print on the piano.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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