yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize