i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
