____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.