I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine