I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.