It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs