Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Randomize