hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
