I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
