I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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