I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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