it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
