your parents love me but you hate me
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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