All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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