Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
