I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Slut skills are useful in every country.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
