Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
